8 November 2013 Ups .... I

Here I write down thoughts and experiences, good and bad, about what is going on in my new life, treatments and frustrations ..... for my family, my friends currier and otherwise all you who want to follow the action. PS very nice comments!
8 November 2013 Ups .... I've completely forgotten to tell about this dating game then ..... I continued to hit the man until mid-May. We had fun when we met and talked together every day. We found the tone and the chemistry was right on all counts .... But I held back as much as I could, I did not dare to let him fully into my heart, did not dare let myself be vulnerable again .... he had given me message that it was up to me what would happen and if anything should happen and possibly when. I had control over it .... It was safe. This man intrigued me ..... But I was scared currier ... what if ...??? The thought of being let down and "kicked when lying down" again I can not bear, the thought of not being able to be myself, fully and completely ... Or not gain an understanding of the mood and psyche turns, and sometimes without I even realize why ... or that I have days where I lie down for the count ... without currier being sick, or that the energy is gone ... without having done anything special .... I was afraid Not to be respected and accepted for who I am / have been ... I was afraid to strike up a relationship currier and be really happy in again ... and get faith in the future ... only to be dumped .. . hurt .... but at the same time one must think positively, take risks and invest. I wanted the deep down to find me a new boyfriend, but it should not just be a boyfriend, this time it was to be my soulmate .... the man in my life ... It would be one I would live my life with. ... It was my wish, and for some reason that I still had this belief that I would find one with the big H. ... Maybe a dream, I do not know, but at least a hope ... a hope that my soulmate was out there somewhere. currier I have let myself currier be charmed by men before me, but this time I KNOW what I'm looking for .... and I know at least what I DO NOT want. This time it does not matter whether one is tall and dark ... Does House ... car ... boat ... house .... money .... any title ... or whatever ... For there are plenty of them playing at these things and think that that's what we fall for .... But you will not find lasting happiness in these matrelistiske things ... they are dead .... what I need is one with a big heart and great inner values .... empathetic .... social ... humorous ... a respect for others .... A with respect to MEG, one that understands and accepts that sometimes ... just suddenly the battery is dead .... all of a sudden currier you just sleep, relax, lie on the couch ... charge ... suddenly along comes the tears ... tears because you are tired tears because of the loss .. . having two boobs ... tears because you are tired of the side effects ... tears because you are afraid. Afraid of the future currier ... the next control ... the answer to all controls forward ..... I need someone who smiles even though I'm lying on the couch, someone hold me when tears .... one that supports me, backer me up and lift me up when I feel like everything is going against me .... One who sees me and love me for exactly who I am .... And you know, I have found him, or rather he found me. ... and thank God for that. This my date turned out to be exactly everything I wanted ... and more. This wonderful man full of humor, working as pastry chef and baker, has worked as a chef as he cooks too ... YEY ... He loves martial arts and doing most within the genre, he has built and operates the martial arts center at home town, he has two wonderful children, whom he adores, he has also kitten Sally, he loves music, playing guitar and piano, sings .... He has a lifestyle that dictates a lot of training, martial arts and weights .... good luck for me so he can much about this and train with me, push me a little, get me in training ..... We train together to reach my goal .... NEW knockers!! I go on Tamoxifen and according to "my personal trainer and girlfriend" currier is to be regarded as "bol" .... "This is not easy girl, but together we do it .... It will just take longer than normal .... for these tablets hang up on you by ... it's pure symbol ... "was his comment when he had read about these pills online. Well ... then just man up and do what we can, then we'll see if it produces results ...? But I can tell you that this wonderful man and now my new boyfriend named Randy is originally from Filliphinene, currier but have lived here almost all my life. I can also tell you that in our age and in these modern times, so we found each other in dating night .... something I did not particularly believe in to begin with. I chatted with a few pieces currier and dated a few pieces, but without success, and certainly not what I was looking for. Had reason given up eventually, when I received an message from this man ... I read it and ten